How to Catch a Lion in the Sahara Desert

(1) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY:

We place a spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then

perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage. The lion
is

then inside the cage and we are outside.

(2) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD:

We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore

contains an enumerable dense set of points from which can be

extracted a sequence having the lion as the limit. We then

approach the lion stealthily along this sequence bearing with us

suitable equipment.

(3) THE DIRAC METHOD:

We observe that wild lions are ipso facto not observable in

the sahara desert. Consequently if there are any lions in the

Sahara they are tame. The capture of a tame lion is left as an

exercise for the reader.

(4) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD:

We construct a semi-permeable membrane which is permeable to

everything except lions and sweep it across the sahara.

(5) THE KALRA METHOD:

Make a list of the lion's whereabouts.Classify them into

different fuzzy sets. The lion will get confused and fall into

your trap.

(6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD:

We observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of the

torus. We transport the desert into four-space. It is then

possible to carry out such a transformation that the lion can be

returned to 3-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.

(7) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD:

At any given moment there is a positive probability that

there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait.

(8) THE HEISENBERG METHOD:

You will disturb the lion when you observe it before

capturing. So keep your eyes closed.

(9) THE EINSTEIN METHOD:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The

relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels

heavier and gets tired.

(10) THE NEWTONIAN METHOD:

Let the lion catch you (let's assume you remain alive here).

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Therefore, you will have captured the lion.

(11) THE CARTESIAN METHOD:

Take the origin as close as possible to the lion. Then

perform rotation operation again and again. Initially, the lion

will feel dizzy. Finally it will fall down.

(12) THE SOFTWARE METHOD:

Make a linked list of all objects in the desert. Then delete

the pointers on either side of the lion.(Make sure you are not

AFTER the lion.)

(13) THE AUTOMATA METHOD:

Use a Non-Deterministic Finite Automaton with epsilon moves

from all states to the final state, and no moves from the final

state. The lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped.

(14) THE TIME-COP METHOD:

Use a time-machine and take the entire Sahara back a few

years in time. The lion is just a cub now, and all you need is a

mouse-trap.

(15) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIAL METHOD

Integrate the Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is

now somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result w.r.t the

earth's rotation. The resulting value is zero, and the lion is

no more.

(16) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD

Hold the lion still for a moment (I don't care how you do

it), and recite Shakespeare`s Hamlet to it. The lion will change

from 'To be to Not-to-be'.