If operating systems ran airlines

DOS Airlines: Passengers are handed maps, compasses, rulers,
pencils & an airplane manual (shrink wrapped) as they enter the
plane...Have to figure out how to get the plane to wherever they
want to go. Some succeed very well. Others crash, but they
shouldn't have been messing around with airplanes anyway.

Macintosh Airlines: All the stewards, stewardesses, captains,
baggage handlers & ticket agents look the same, act the same &
talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you
are told you don't need to know, don't want to know & everything
will be done for you without you having to know...so just shut up.

OS/2 Airlines: To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped
10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you
fill out a form showing where you want to sit & whether it should
feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you
succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in
getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except times
when the rudder & flaps get frozen in position...in which case you
have time to say your prayers & get yourself prepared for the

Windows Airlines: The airport terminal is nice & colorful with
friendly stewards & stewardesses, easy access to the plane and an
uneventful takeoff...then the plane blows up without any warning

NT Airlines: (??? What's NT?) Everyone marches out on the runway,
says the password in unision & forms the outline of a plane. Then
they all sit down & make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

UNIX Airlines: Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them
when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway &
put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about
what kind of plane they are building.


Some Additions:

Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 16:16:39 -0700
From: Rami Harasimowicz
To: sss31@columbia.edu
Subject: If OS's were Airlines.

This is the "If Operating Systems were Airlines" I've seen. It seems
funnier IMHO. It does have a few other OS's as well...



All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane,
push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the
ground again. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the
air, hop on, et cetera.


The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants all very
attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. Your
jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000
feet it crashes without warning.


The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feels
the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight they
reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know and would you
please return to your seat and watch the movie.


The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers
milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely
to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the
sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell
each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and
how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will
have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight


All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the
chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms
and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

WINGS of OS/400

The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguable the best and safest
planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them
look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend
to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid
questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which
requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer


The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of
technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft.
This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers.
All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of
200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit.
He guns the engines, only to realize that the plane is too big to get
through the hanger doors!



Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to
the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what
kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together.
Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all
the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.
All passengers believe the got there.